We’re living through a time full of choices, ranging from radical to small. You may be familiar with the motivational phrases “Attitudes are contagious! Is yours worth catching?”

You can choose your attitude. You can choose to celebrate the little things that go well, you can choose to enjoy your work, even if it’s not your dream job. You can choose to be happy about your life, and you can make choices that help you achieve your goals.

You can make choices about where you live, work, learn and play. Sometimes there are external constraints that are beyond our control. For example, you can’t choose to make the sun come out on a rainy day. You can choose to celebrate the gift of life that gentle rain brings while you shelter in what I hope is a safe home.

I grew up learning not to waste my energy on trying to change things that are completely out of my control. I was also taught to choose to make decisions that would help me reach my goals, and that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. These may seem like contradictory teachings. Here’s a story about a life altering decision that I made.

While on my second maternity leave, a colleague that I’d worked with prior to having my first child became a veteran. We got together regularly to go on walks in the woods, taking along my infant, who enjoyed peering out at nature from a robust stroller. One day I asked her why she’d retired, while she was still relatively young, and doing so well in her career. She said something that stuck with me over the years. She said she chose to retire while she was still having fun. She told me of people who’d overstayed their time in the military. People who left feeling bitter and angry and whose negative attitudes had been contagious in their workplaces. She said she chose to leave on her terms, when she was ready.

I thought about that teaching over the years. Until it became my time to choose to become a veteran, while I was still relatively young, and still doing well in my career. The military made a choice about what they wanted me to do next. Once I realized that I would not be able to change their decision, which didn’t suit my long-term goals, I knew it was time to leave.
 
The time between making the decision to become a veteran, and figuring out what I would do next, caused me some anxiety. Even when I wasn’t sure what the future would hold, I chose to enjoy my military career right up until my last day in uniform, staying late to finish off a few more things. I also chose to seize opportunities to do things I loved, like speaking at conferences, and setting up a speaking engagement on embracing diversity shortly after I officially become a veteran.

I’ve enjoyed the learning experience of becoming an entrepreneur, and figuring out ways to get paid for doing what I’m good at and love doing, all the while helping others learn ways that they can thrive.

In the past few years, as a Thought Partner helping people figure out new career paths and/or how to grow their dream business, the power of people making the choices that are right for them has been illustrated over and over again.

You too can choose to make decisions that will help you achieve your goals. You can consciously choose to find joy in the little things at the place you are in now. You can look at your options, and make small and large decisions to help you achieve your long-term goals. You can choose a timeline to achieve your goals, and then you can choose to roll with the unexpected that will appear in your life in both good and seemingly bad ways. Taking ownership of your choices allows you to be more open to unexpected opportunities which may help you achieve your goals faster than you planned. Sometimes roadblocks appear which may at first seem to be insurmountable. You can choose to look at those roadblocks as obstacles or as opportunities. They may point the way to a different path, one that will bring you more joy along the way to your long-term goals.

I choose to celebrate the things in life that I find inspiring, that bring me joy. This choice helps me stay positive, even during turbulent circumstances. A choice can be as simple as loving a social media post because it is inspiring. I choose to be happy!

​I hope that you choose joy, in the life you’re leading right now, until you choose to make changes to help you achieve your dreams!

When I was a child, I was taught that I lived in a man’s world, and that as a woman I would have to do more than men to succeed. My father in particular repeated this teaching. He wasn’t saying that it was the way the world should be, he was arming my sister and I for the reality we would eventually discover when we started work.

Our parents also taught us that we could pursue any career we wanted. From a young age, I liked being in charge, so I decided to become a military officer. There’s more to it than that, but that’s a story for another time and place.

When I eventually met someone, I wanted to spend my life with and we married, I never doubted I could be a mom and an officer at the same time. I was promoted from Major to Lieutenant Colonel, in 8 years, which in those days was about the average time for a Logistics officer. All three of our children were born while I was a Major. The week I became a veteran, our youngest child started grade 1.

The world was a less inclusive place when I started my military career. About a year after I was commissioned, a friend from my military college days and I were talking on the phone. Like many young people we talked about our social lives. They told me that they had met someone new. I asked about the person (assuming that they were a different gender than my friend). My friend told me that they were dating someone of the same gender. My response was to ask my friend if the person made them happy. As long as they were treating my friend well, I didn’t care what gender they were.

Since those days I’ve read that more than 82 genders have been identified. Recently while preparing to deliver an Inclusion session on gender, I went looking for the research. It’s all very well and good to say there are 82 (or more) genders, however I wanted to be able to back that up by science. I found that the World Health Organization (WHO) has a Genomic resource centre which details many combinations of the X and Y chromosomes, resulting in a variety of genders including: 45X, 45Y, 46XX, 46XY, 47XXX, 47XYY, 47XXY, and more. 

I also discovered that there are many cultures around the world that accept and have understood that there are more than two genders for millennia. For example, I knew that some of the Indigenous cultures in North America understand that there are 5 genders: female, male, Two Spirit female, Two Spirit male and transgendered. If you’d like to learn more, this article in Indian Country gives an overview.

You can start making your organization a more inclusive place today, by consciously choosing to say and write “all genders” and “hello folks” instead of “both genders” and “ladies and gentlemen.” You can also add pronouns to your signature block and social media profiles. This signals that you are likely to be an ally and a safe person to talk to.

Trust me, even if you’re a cisgender heterosexual person, like me, it’s OK to include your pronouns after your name! I started early in 2020, and so far, I’ve only had two comments. A client asked me “why I made the change?” which led to a short and hopefully educational conversation on gender. A transgender colleague that I’ve known for more than 30 years thanked me.

Are you interested in learning more about gender inclusion?  Register for the 2021 Human Resources Professional Association (HRPA) Annual Conference and sign up for my session called “The Workplace Business Case for Gender Equality.” It will be broadcast at 11 am on Wednesday January 27, 2021. I’ll be there live to answer your questions!

Many people have heard of the concept of six degrees of separation. Where your connections likely know people, who can help you connect with pretty much anyone in the world, in 6 connections or less. Social media actually speeds up this process, helping people connect with those they are looking for with fewer steps.

Networking is useful for career development, growing your business and for connecting to like minded people who care about the same issues you care about.

Everyone knows people. People you meet through your family, neighbours, schooling, jobs and volunteer work. We all have networks of people we are connected to. Social media has made it much easier to connect to people we admire and/or want to learn from.

LinkedIn is a prime example. You can literally search LinkedIn for the person you’d like to connect with. If they are within 2 degrees of separation (you’re connected to at least one person in common) then even with the free version of LinkedIn you can send them a direct message asking to join their network.

Twitter has been studied by social scientists, to determine how effective it is at helping people make the connections they want. Most people on Twitter can connect with who they want to meet in 4 steps or less. Social media can make networking easier.

Whether you network online or in person there are a few things to remember.

1. Anyone you meet, no matter where you meet them, can become part of your network
2. Get to know the person and what they’re interested in
3. Tell them a little about you
   
4. Offer to help them achieve their goals
5. Do NOT lead with a specific request for help  
6. Do feel free to share a preview of what you’re looking for

Even during a pandemic, there are opportunities to meet and connect with people. I joined Instagram two weeks ago and just by following and liking the posts of some people I already know; Instagram keeps suggesting other people with similar profiles for me to follow. There are many online groups in Facebook where like minded people connect and share ideas. You can connect to these groups by asking your Facebook friends what groups they belong to.

If you already know who you’re trying to connect to, then all you have to do is ask.  Let’s use an example, say you’re interested in a career in banking. And you’d like to do an informational interview, but you’re uncomfortable cold calling people at banks to ask them for 15-20 minutes of their time. You can ask the people you know, for example your teachers, mentors and even classmates, if they know anyone in banking that they can introduce you to. Chances are someone in your network knows someone in banking. The more people you ask, the more likely you’ll find someone with the right connections.

Whether you meet someone in person, or online, take some time to get to know the person. You can search their online profiles and posts to see what they’re interested in and if they show signs of having the information or connections you’re looking for.

Part of networking is getting to know each other. It’s OK to share a little bit about yourself. It’s recommended that you keep some things private, especially in online networking. While most people are nice, there are still some creeps and predators online and in real life. It’s OK to go slow in networking!

One of the fastest ways to build trust in any networking relationship is to help your connections reach their goals. This could be as simple as suggesting a connection or resource.

While one of the major benefits of networking is getting to connect with people who can help you, if you’re like me you find it off-putting when people lead with a sales pitch. I recommend investing some time in getting to know your new connections before hitting them up with a specific request for help.

It’s a good idea to give your connections a preview of what you’re looking for with statements such as “I’m getting ready to transition to a new career. I’m starting to explore my options. Do you know anyone who works in banking?” If your connection doesn’t know anyone in banking, they may know someone who does, and be willing to connect you to that person, getting you one step closer.

All you have to do is ask!  Note: you may have to ask several people!

PS: If you want to learn more about the 6 degrees of separation and the Twitter study, you can read the Wikipedia article by clicking here.
 

Lately I’ve been spending time thinking about my “Why?”

The importance of “Why?” we do things keeps popping up in online training sessions, in conversations, in books I read. “Why?” is everywhere.

A big part of my difficulty in explaining my “Why?” is that I’ve been living my truth for so long, I had to dig deep to figure out why I act and live the way I do.

I’ve known “What?” I do for some time. When I did a fairly extensive overhaul of my website earlier this year, I added that the common theme in what I do “is to help you learn how to help yourself, your organization and community thrive.” Lots of people say they want to help others thrive. What differentiates me from others?  Why do I choose to do this?

This weekend, while out on my longest walk this year, so far, I had an “Aha!” moment. I realized that I want to help people like me, people who have a good idea of what they want to accomplish, and who are willing to do the hard work of pursuing their goals and dreams.

I know that there are many people like me around the world. We come in all genders and from all socio-economic backgrounds. We speak many languages and look different from one another.

What we have in common is that we have the courage to imagine different ways to do things. We’re willing to influence others and make changes in how we live and work, to help create a better future.

We care about people and the planet more than we care about profit. Although we aren’t opposed to earning a moderate or even ample living!

We know that if we harness our collective energies, we can make the world a more equitable place, where future generations will have the opportunity to thrive.

My “What?” is to help you learn how you can lead yourself and others to help create the future you dream of for you, your community and your organization.

I acknowledge that I am writing these words from a place of privilege. I grew up in a two-parent middle class household, with family that loved and supported me, even when they didn’t understand what I was up to. My family continues to support me by acting as Thought Partners when I come up with new ideas. I am an able bodied, heterosexual, cis-gender, white coded Canadian woman. I served for 28 years in the Canadian Armed Forces, which gives me the additional privilege of receiving a defined benefit pension plan.

All that being said, in 2020, I’ve met people from around the planet, from dozens of countries, who live very different lives from me, who think like I do; who dream of a different way to do things. Our dream of a better world, where people of all abilities, backgrounds, cultures and genders can thrive, unites us.

My “Why?” is to help people learn how to share their gifts with the world, because I believe in paying it forward. I’ve benefited and continue to benefit from Thought Partners, in ways both large and small. My gifts include leadership and making connections. Connections between people, ideas, and ways of accomplishing goals.  I am living my truth, and I want others to live their truth, and share their gifts with the world, so that we can all thrive.
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I’m going to sign off this blog with the words I’ve been writing online and saying in person for most of this year.  I wish you and all of your loved ones: health, joy and abundance.